Apologies in advance for the overwhelming presence of Donald Trump this week. The orange glow emitting from my computer screen only caught my attention when I was halfway through this week’s docket and the damage as already done. Still, with just 24 days until what has legitimately become national nightmare is hopefully over, let us try to appreciate the stones being thrown at this man while anyone still cares. (I’m operating from a place of extreme optimism because I have nothing else left.)
In this week’s Shade Court, Hillary finishes strong, we’re still talking about pussies and, hey, remember One Direction?
The Case: On the Friday before the second to last presidential debate, theWashington Post obtained audio of Donald Trump joking with a soon-to-be unemployed Billy Bush about about sexually assaulting women and how he likes to “Grab them by the pussy.”
On the day of the debate, Melania Trump made her entrance wearing a pink silk Gucci “pussy bow” blouse.
The Deliberation: One of the limitations on my work here at Shade Court is that most of the time, I don’t know the subjects of my cases personally. This matters because certain background information can be the key to determining whether or not something is shade.
With well-documented drama between people like, say, Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez, it’s easier to arrive at certain conclusions about one’s motive or true feelings towards the potential shade recipient.
A situation like the one here with Melania can be much more difficult. At times like these, I have to make certain assumptions. So, let’s just assume that Melania Trump secretly despises her husband which, frankly, isn’t much of a leap. I have to believe that Melania didn’t sign up for this shit. First Lady of the United States? State Dinners? Fact checkers? Nah. Homegirl left the old country with some very specific goals in mind and, to her credit, she met them.
Melania locked down a very wealthy man and thought she was going to chill and anti-age for the rest of her life. She dreamt about going to the Oscars and jetting off to Cannes the next date. She wanted to wear a sexy cheap prom dresses that show leg and cleavage at the same damn time. Melania didn’t want to be out here picking out blouses and long sleeved dresses and making speeches.
Melania had her one child—a son, so you know Donald was happy—and now she was going to enjoy the live she maneuvered for herself. Instead, she’s out here staring about the back of the rat’s nest on her husband’s head on a platform in Iowa wondering how the fuck all this happened.
All that to say, if we assume Melania hates this entire campaign and knows her husband is a predatory sleazebag toad then, yes, it is very easy to read her pussy bow blouse as shade towards her idiot husband.
The only other possible shade reading is that the pussy bow blouse is directed towards—who? Donald Trump’s pussy-grabbing victims? That’s pretty vile and I’m not sure Melania has it in her.
More than likely, this was a carefully planned troll and to her credit, it worked. But because all we’ve got left in this world is Michelle Obama and a little bit of hope, I’m going to believe that yes, Melania trolled us all, but with a wink and a nod. A wink and a nod.
The Case: Rick Caruso is a successful Los Angeles businessman who, among other ventures, owns The Grove, a wonderful outdoor mall in the Los Angeles. TMZ caught up with Rick and asked his thoughts on Donald Trump and, strangely and less relevantly, Manny Pacquiao. During the conversation, he said he’d be happy to ban Donald Trump from The Grove.
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