月別アーカイブ: 2015年9月

This weekend we’re meeting with a potential caterer. I have high hopes this time around because this caterer is also behind one of our favorite downtown restaurants.

I also had high hopes for the last guy. His office walls were plastered with awards of all kinds – awards from well-known wedding websites, awards voted on by the people – there were at least a dozen.

Awards aren’t everything.

I’m not one to blast people on the internet because I disagree with the way they run a business. I’m willing to bet this company has done great work for some clients. For that reason, it will remain nameless.

Everybody’s customer style is different. I operate under the theory that a company vying for thousands of my (admittedly, my parents’) dollars should want to impress me. I’m really not even hard to impress.

I’ll recommend a company if they’re nice, they don’t even have to be the best at whatever service they offer.

Just last week I got my hair colored and trimmed at a salon. It wasn’t life-changing, but I was happy with it so I wrote positive reviews on three (3!) different websites. Sometimes I get all caught up on the idea of pushing more positivity out into the internet world, because it’s so darn angry all the time.

So here’s the thing, all this guy had to do was be friendly and offer to make a menu that is somewhere in the realm of what we have in mind.

He did neither of those things.

picture: peach bridesmaid dressesHe spent the first half of the meeting telling my mom, who accompanied me in Russ’s absence, how everything we already have planned for my wedding is wrong – right down to the tables my parents have been using for large parties for years.

He was blasting decisions that had absolutely nothing to do with the food. It was mind-boggling.

I don’t know if you’ve been following along, but my bridal playbook is made up of a two-step process: make a decision, and be done with it.

Second-guessing any decision that is already settled is not the way to my heart or my money.

This guy managed to bruise my ego and momentarily quell my excitement – all before he even pulled out any menu ideas.

I went to the meeting with pulled pork barbecue on my mind. It’s a southern staple, and a huge deal in my home state of North Carolina. I wanted barbecue. Russ wanted barbecue. It was one of the first things we decided.

I left that catering appointment with a menu made up of ham, chicken, and shrimp & grits.

I don’t know how it happened. I know I said I like shrimp and grits, but it was after I’d said I wanted barbecue.

I remember saying ham is my least favorite meat, and Russ’s as well.

I do remember saying chicken is a good second option to barbecue because some people don’t like pulled pork (I love them anyway).

I don’t remember anything else about how that menu was planned, probably because I was still reeling over the verbal dismemberment of everything wedding-related I’d accomplished up to that point.

This weekend we’re heading to one of our favorite barbecue joints – we’re zeroing in on barbecue from the start. I have all ideas these folks will be helpful and the service will be as good as it is when we dine in their restaurant.

This time around I don’t even want to see any awards.

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Dear Abby: I have a very close cousin (and friend) who is in a toxic relationship with a man who breaks up with her repeatedly, manipulates and abuses her emotionally, and probably cheats. It has made me sad to see her go through the same pattern with him for so many years.

They were supposed to be married soon, but are having the same problems again. She’s unsure what steps to take, even though family and friends are advising her against marrying him. I don’t support the idea either, but I don’t want to create a rift with my cousin.

If the wedding takes place, can I decline to be part of the wedding party? Is there anything I can do to make her “see the light”? It’s hard to watch a good person go through this. I know it’s her choice, but it’s wearing on our relationship as well. — Concerned Cousin in Wyoming

Picture: chiffon bridesmaid dresses ukDear Cousin: Have you been asked to be in the wedding party? If it hasn’t happened yet, you may be putting the cart before the horse.

Because you haven’t been able to get your cousin to see the light before this, I doubt anything you can say will accomplish it now because love is blind and often deaf. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell her you think she deserves better than what she’s getting, and that it pains you to see her hurt the way she has been. However, at the same time, let her know that whatever she decides, you love and support her and will be there for her, because if he actually marries her — which he may not — she’s going to need it.

Dear Abby: I recently started a new job, and the past three months have been wonderful! One co-worker in particular has contributed to that. He’s a tall, handsome man with a great personality. We get along wonderfully, socialize outside of work, and we flirt … a lot. We have briefly talked about being friends with benefits, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have never been FWB with anyone before, and I am very nervous about the possible downside.

I am very attracted to this co-worker, but I also consider him a great friend who could potentially someday be even more than a friend. I am scared that being FWBs would ruin our friendship and any possible future we may have. Should I accept being an FWB and enjoy it while it lasts, or decline and explain to him why? — Friends Without Benefits in Virginia

Dear Friends: If I were you, I’d enjoy the flirtation for as long as it lasts and pass on being his FWB.

While “friends with benefits” may seem enticing, what it really stands for is “sex without commitment or responsibility,” and in the majority of instances it leads to — nothing. Couple that with the fact that if you do, and someone else attracts his attention, you will not only have to cope with hurt feelings, but also the embarrassment of still having to work with him. So start thinking with your head, and don’t do anything you might later regret.

To My Jewish Readers: Tonight at sundown, Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, begins. It’s a day of fasting, reflection, prayer and repentance. To all of you, may your fast be an easy one.

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Natasha Zinko, a Ukrainian, London-based jewelry and ready-to-wear designer with thick red cork curls, has been holding private appointments since she graduated from Central Saint Martins. Regarding her decision to go on-schedule for the first time, she said simply: “I can, and I will.”

A neon sign with the same phrase hung on the wall of her presentation Saturday and that ferocity and self-confidence, the fashion equivalent of “leaning in,” came through in the collection. There was a lot of leather, boned corseting, laser cutting and rouching that was easy on the eyes — yet clearly had a lot of technique behind it. She only used primary colors, adding to the collection’s primal scream feel: “This collection is a lot about confidence in women — so many of us believe we don’t have it, but each one of us has a strength we are not aware of — and that needs to come out. A lot of women undercut themselves when they shouldn’t. What’s with us? Why can’t we be more confident?”

picture: vintage bridesmaid dresses ukIn Zinko’s world, confidence doesn’t cancel out femininity, so she added a few floral details as well as lace and satin. It was a huge departure from her last collection, which had a lot of safe-yet-sound nautical themes, and tons of cuteness. I wondered: does this new ferocity and confidence have to do with her Ukrainian heritage, and what is currently going on there politically — or is that a no-go question for fashion?

On that note, Zinko is clear. “Up until a decade or so ago, people just thought the Ukraine and Russia was the same thing. Ironically, since the conflict, it’s made me more aware of my Ukrainian roots and the difference between us — and believe me there is one, in a good way. Now that the Ukraine is more on the map, it’s made me feel stronger and more confident to venture into areas I wouldn’t have before – just like my country.”

Perhaps the same could be said for other designers from the region. Fellow Ukrainian Vita Kin is already an Instagram star for her colorful dresses inspired by traditional Ukrainian folk embroidery, which can seemingly only be found on street style stars. We’ve been promised Vita Kin for months on Net-a-Porter and Matches, and we’re still waiting. Talk about demand outstripping supply.

Though she doesn’t show during fashion month, Russian designer Olga Vilshenko is also noted for her exquisite Russian “folkloric couture,” which can be found at Net-a-Porter and Moda Operandi.

Says Zinko: “I think the division of lines between the Ukraine and Russia has brought out the best of many of us. We are all focused on our regions, our backgrounds, our experiences, our language. And it all comes out in the expression of fashion. You know, sometimes, good things can come out of conflict. Now let’s hope the conflict ends.”

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Known for their conservative views and upholding the Christian way of living, the Duggar family is now being surrounded with new controversies, this time involving some money matters.

Citing the report from Realty Today, an article fromNewsEveryday.com said that clan member Jill Duggar and her husband, Derick Dillard, are being asked by fans if the donations they received to help finance the mission to help the poor in Central America are being used the right way.

The issue, as first pointed out by ETOnline, surfaced when the couple flew back to the States at least twice since they embarked for the Central American mission on July 5.

picture: black and white bridesmaid dressesSuspicions grew stronger when one of Jill’s latest social media posts of herself, her 26-year-old husband, and 5-month-old son was seen with a caption that says “Travelling.”

The public couldn’t help but take notice of their frequent get-aways rather than their supposed to be mission trips.

On top of this, Mr. and Mrs. Dillard were seen attending the wedding of their cousin Amy Duggar’s wedding in Bentonville, Arkansas last weekend as well as the ceremony for the “Bringing Up Bates” stars Michaela Bates and Brandon Keilen back on August in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Fans, who claimed to be donors of the cause, fired some questions on the couple’s Facebook account asking them for a “detailed statement of what their money is being used for.”

One commenter went on to demand “pictures of the hospital, schools, and bible studies you helped with.”

To appease the public, Jill posted on her Instagram a picture of a group of people she probably met during the mission.

“My heart aches for the hardships these people are facing daily due to pressure and violence from the gangs. Please pray for their safety!” she said in her post (via NE). “We look forward to returning there to continue ministering after language school!”

The husband and wife also took the time to explain the trips back to the US. They clarified that they did those trips to “take care of some things and enjoy time with family and friends” while they are, at the same time, taking care of the mission.

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The recent improvement in the real estate market has many American homeowners sitting on additional home equity. And it can be tempting to tap your home equity for any number of purposes — from making major home improvements to paying your kid’s college tuition. Some experts say that cashing in on home equity for such purposes can be a wise investment.

But there are also a host of purchases you might consider funding with home equity that fall into the realm of financial no-nos.

Here are four things you should never buy with home equity.

No. 1: Wedding expenses

According to The Knot, the cost of the average U.S. wedding now tops $30,000. With a slew of expenses and professionals to pay for — such as caterers, musicians, a photographer or videographer — it’s easy to see how couples, or their parents, might rely on a home equity loan or home equity line of credit to cover all the costs.

“But even if it’s a wedding, people need to make sacrifices and establish priorities,” says Jordan Niefeld, a Certified Financial Advisor and CPA at Raymond James & Associates in Aventura, Florida.

Besides, a wedding is a one-day affair; it’s the marriage in which a couple should invest time, money, and effort. So scale back on a wedding celebration rather than tapping home equity to pay for an over-the-top bridal gown, an expensive banquet hall, or a honeymoon in an exotic destination.

No. 2: A “guaranteed” stock or bond market investment

picture: fishtail wedding dressesEven though there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed” return on Wall Street, that doesn’t stop stockbrokers, friends, colleagues, and others from pitching you investments that are supposedly a “sure thing.”

However, if you don’t have the cash to buy stocks, bonds, or mutual funds, “It’s risky to utilize home equity for investments,” says Donna Skeels Cygan, CFP and President of Sage Future Financial, LLC in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

No one has control over the vagaries of the stock market, and the money you put up could be gone forever — but if you used home equity for an investment, you’d still have a bigger house note to pay.

And consumers with home equity lines of credit that are nearing the repayment phase, known as the “end of draw,” are much more likely than other borrowers to go delinquent — not just on their HELOCs, but also on their primary mortgages and other debts owed, according to a 2015 study from Experian.

No. 3: Normal monthly expenses

Accessing your home equity doesn’t always mean getting a one-time lump sum, as is the case when you obtain a home equity loan. You can also have a home equity line of credit, which allows you to gradually draw down on your home equity anytime you’d like simply by using bank-issued checks linked to your home equity.

But beware of repeatedly eating away at your home’s equity by constantly writing home equity checks just to cover your normal household expenses, such as grocery costs, utilities, or transportation bills.

“We all pay toward our mortgage every month, and our home is our safety net,” says Cygan. “So home equity should never be tapped for anything frivolous, normal or routine.”

If you need to use home equity for recurring bills, it’s a sure sign that you’re living beyond your means and are in a danger zone when it comes to managing your financial obligations and controlling debt.

No. 4: Gifts of any kind

There are dozens of holidays throughout the year, from New Year’s and Valentine’s Day to Christmas and Hanukkah, and everything in between. Any one of these holidays or special occasions might tempt you to spend money on pricey gifts for others.

But buying big-ticket gift items for relatives (or others) is an imprudent use of home equity, as your spending during these times is bound to be emotionally charged, causing you to overspend unnecessarily. When you spend with your heart instead of using your head, and you add the lure of having substantial home equity to tap, you’re bound to go overboard.

“If it’s more of an impulse purchase or if it’s something that you really don’t need, says Niefeld, “these are all bad reasons to take home equity — or any type of loan.”

“Home equity is a very sacred thing,” he adds. “You don’t want to tap that for just anything.”

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Nick DeVries was not going to let a few broken ribs get in the way of his wedding day.

He took some pain medication and let his friends apply Icy Hot while he thought about his bride’s two-year wait to get married, the $5,000 they spent on the wedding, and all their friends and family who traveled across the country to see them tie the knot.

Then, the pain pills took over, and on Sept. 5, Fruita’s Nick and Holly DeVries got married at Five Winds Ranch outside Collbran. They danced, ate barbecue and mingled with guests. Nick “was feeling really good and then it kicked in and I said, ‘Yup, it’s time to go to the hospital.’ “

Truth be told, Holly said, she wanted to take Nick to the emergency room before the wedding. She was out on the balcony taking pre-ceremony photos when a group of people went running off behind her.

Her mom came in and said, “We are not going to tell you what happened.”

It was Nick. Holly knew.

In hindsight, Nick, 28, should have worn his seat belt on the RZR Side By Side he was driving. Then again, maybe he shouldn’t have even been in a UTV (utility task vehicle) moments before his wedding.

“I told him not to take those things up there,” Holly, 26, said.

Either way, a tire went flat, the rim caught some dirt and the RZR overturned.

picture: short bridesmaid dresses uk“I guess I bent the steering wheel in half to the side,” Nick said. “I was trying to stay inside, I guess.”

He stood up to flip the UTV back over and collapsed. That’s when he assumed he broke his ribs.

When Holly saw him, however, “I was ready to take him to the hospital then and there.”

Nick had none of it.

“I’m getting married today,” he said, looking back. “I love my wife. I wasn’t going to sacrifice her day because I made a stupid mistake.”

Eventually, when the pain became too much to bear, Holly in her wedding dress and Nick in his tux showed up at Community Hospital for a CT scan. There, they learned Nick did not break his ribs as feared. He had “unstable fractures” in four vertebrae. He had broken his back. He’s lucky he didn’t do more damage during the ceremony and subsequent party.

The couple was transferred to St. Mary’s Hospital.

Nick was admitted and underwent a four-hour surgery with Dr. Brian P. Witwer. The repair required 10 screws, two metal rods and two metal plates. The surgery left a very clean and straight scar down half of Nick’s back.

But he was walking the next day. On Sept. 9, four days after he broke his back but got married anyway and ended up in a hospital, Nick was discharged.

“Dr. Witwer was amazing,” Holly said.

He won’t require physical therapy.

He went back to work at Cudd Energy Services wearing his hospital bracelets to say hello.

Holly, owner of Right By Your Side Home Care, joked that the couple had a $300,000 honeymoon. Thankfully, they have good insurance.

On Friday, Nick answered the door to his Fruita house. He’s walking slow, and he hasn’t been able to eat much, but he’s home and proudly wearing his wedding ring.

He and Holly had their first date four years ago at a Denver area Starbucks. Now, they have an unbelievable wedding story.

“We laugh about it now,” Holly said. “We laughed about it then because there was nothing we could do about it. … I told my mom, it isn’t a wedding unless it rains or something goes wrong.”

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Some of the most important buildings and monuments for Austrian history stand on the Ringstrasse Street. Kunsthistorisches, Hofburg and Naturhistorisches Museums are three of the greatest attractions of the Vienna. Stock Exchange building,glass water pipes, State Opera and other buildings are also visited by the tourists.

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Every year on a Thursday afternoon in August, The Saratoga Fashion Show gets underway inside the At the Rail Pavilion tent and delivers on its promise of ‘world class fashion for a world class cause’.

In it’s 17th year, the party has grown from a modest event to an all out extravaganza, with nearly 60 models walking the 20-foot runway showcasing pieces from THEIA and Don O’Neill, Daniel Mozzes, Donna Hercules, Kim Vanyo, Karen Sewell, Christine A. Moore, Lisa Battaglia and more. Along with a fabulous committee and volunteers, there is one woman behind it all, passionately raising money for recipient Ronald McDonald House Charities year after year, Natalie Sillery of Saratoga Trunk. Natalie prepares for the show for weeks and is up at 3 a.m. the morning of, making sure every last detail of the day is seen to, with 60 models getting ready in back and a sold out crowd of over 500 in the front of the house. All the while managing to look like she just stepped off the runway herself, this year stunning in a deep purple THEIA dress, paired with an exquisite hat created for Natalie by Christine A. Moore.

Rick Partyka described Natalie after the event as having ‘conducted a stunning symphony of love and charity’ and we couldn’t agree more.

Guests arrived to tables covered in goodies, including olive oil from DZ Restaurants and Nancy Bambara, champagne from Patty Novo and Crush and Cask, Saratoga Season’s and Saratoga Social Magazines and drawings from children staying at the Ronald McDonald house. Walt Adams kicked off the festivities to a crowd that included Honorary Chairs Heather and Gerard Wise, who win for best looking chairpersons of the summer, Heather radiant in a one shoulder printed dress and pink fascinator and Gerard looking very Clark Kent in a suit and glasses. They were joined by a sold out crowd that included Mary Gavin, Julie Bonacio, Amy Sutton, Margie Rotchford, Patty Riggi, Beth Smith, Michele Riggi, Mara King, Laura Crisafulli and Christine Marchesiello.

picture: peach bridesmaid dressesAll over the Pavilion and on the models this year were little pops of purple, as feathers in the girls hair as they walked the runway or tied around a decoration at a table. It was a beautiful and fitting tribute to Carole Moreau, whose love and exuberance could be felt all day and a thank you to Dr. Mark Moreau for his presence at the luncheon, overwhelmingly appreciated in a room full of devoted ‘Carole-Heads’.

The symphony of love kept playing and hit probably its highest note of the day, when Natalie opened the show with little Chase, the epitome of brave in his batman outfit, being lead by Peyton, hair swept to the side in a magical braid down the runway. Despite all the designers, models and fabulous fashion, this event never seems to lose its focus from the reason attendees are really there, to support the house that love built.

The Ronald McDonald House of Albany is called home by over 550 families a year while their child receives treatment in an area hospital and less than 30 percent of those families can afford the suggested donation per night. However, because of the support of event’s such as this one, Ronald McDonald House never has to turn anyone away due to their inability to pay.

One after one, Natalie’s trunkettes waltzed down the runway, with her little Trunkettina’s leading the procession, including the adorable Sophie whose mother Trina Lucas marveled at her little girl’s grown up confidence, having come a long way from her first reluctant runway appearance years ago.

Designer Donna Hercules’ Collection D’Alli was being modeled by the little girls, including beautiful Posey with her mom Catherine Hover and Alice Dalton carrying stuffed animal Daisy before we were on to some seriously grown up, show-stopping dresses. Some of the women the crowd has come to adore were back modeling this year including Christianne Smith who always owns the runway, Heather Straughter, Amy Raimo, Elaine SIllery, Cassandra Partyka, Melissa Brumley, Circular Manor beauty Michele Funiciello, Rebecca Beers and the always gorgeous Zoe Alexander.

Watching from backstage were Saratoga darlings Don O’Neill with Evelyn Anastos, whose talent and generosity are seemingly endless.

All day long, the exceptional Lisa Miller was capturing the moments on and off the runway, snappging hundreds of photographs which can be found on her website Studio Di Luce so guests nor models will have to wonder what they missed.

We caught up with Heather and Gerard Wise after the event who were thrilled with the outcome saying ‘We couldn’t be more pleased with today’s event and could not have done it without the support of an incredible committee, group of volunteers and the wonderful Natalie Sillery who all put their heart and soul into making this a successful day for Ronald McDonald House Charities.

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“I’ve known a couple of photographers who have turned down LGBT clients for their religious views, who then, in turn became my clients,” says photographer Lisa Otto. “So refuse away, because I have absolutely no problem. I don’t care who you love, what type of house you live in, what your religion is. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re in love, I’ll put you in front of my camera.”

For the Palm Harbor, Florida-based Otto, who specializes in wedding photography, sexual orientation isn’t a factor in determining whether she shoots a wedding. In fact, word-of-mouth recommendations from satisfied same-sex customers have helped fuel her business.

So far, Otto has not received any negative feedback for her decision to photograph same-sex weddings. She also hasn’t received any negative reviews or comments on her Facebook page, and no one has ever confronted her face-to-face.

“We do a lot of gay weddings,” says Meghan DeAngelis Lorenzetti. “And they are some of my favorites because they seem happier and more excited to be able to marry.

But that doesn’t mean there’s not a risk weighing in on a potentially controversial issue. Earlier this year, a bakery in Longwood, Fla., came under fire for refusing to make a cake bearing the phrase, “We do not support gay marriage.” Word got out and the business started receiving threatening phone calls from opponents of marriage equality.

Meanwhile, bakers in Colorado and Oregon — both states with nondiscrimination ordinances that include sexual orientation — have argued that their religious beliefs should allow them to refuse to make wedding cakes for same-sex couples.

With these disagreements in mind, federal lawmakers are now taking the debate out of the kitchens and floral shops and into the halls of Congress by introducing two bills that appear to be diametrically opposed. The First Amendment Defense Act would prevent the government from taking retaliatory action against people or businesses who act in accordance with their beliefs that marriage is the union of one man and one woman, and that sexual activity should be reserved for marriage. The Equality Act, meanwhile, would amend the Civil Rights Act to include nondiscrimination protections for sexual orientation and gender identity.

Because of the potentially controversial nature of these bills, many businesses avoid taking a position. Of more than 40 bakeries, florists or photographers from the states of Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky, North Carolina and Florida — all of which currently lack LGBT nondiscrimination protections — contacted by Metro Weekly, only four would comment on the record.

As a small business owner working in the wedding industry, Lisa Otto has no problem expressing her point of view. She acknowledges that others may feel differently, but believes that refusing to serve the LGBT community eventually hurts a business’s bottom line.

“When you put that stigma on yourself, as far as not being willing to serve everyone, bad news spreads a whole lot faster than good news,” Otto says. “And I think they do eventually hurt themselves…. If I open a business, I have to serve everybody.”

Otto’s view is shared by the Human Rights Campaign, which is currently pushing for passage of the Equality Act.

“If you open your business to the public, you should serve the public on a non-discriminatory basis,” says David Stacy, director of government relations for HRC. “So if you are providing wedding cakes, for example, and you are selling wedding cakes at your bakery, there’s no reason in the world that you should be able to say ‘I’m going to sell wedding cakes to couples whose weddings I agree with, and I’m not going to sell wedding cakes to couples whose weddings I don’t agree with.’”

“I say freedom should prevail here,” says Ryan T. Anderson. “There are plenty of other options for your honeymoon.”

Stacy notes that the number of conflicts between LGBT advocates and religious business owners are small in number, despite the amount of press they get, adding that the more prominent cases have become “cause celebres” for the anti-LGBT movement to latch onto while opposing equality.

“If your religious beliefs are such that you just cannot interact with LGBT people and treat them equally when you’re engaged in commerce, perhaps you should find a different job,” he says.

Ryan T. Anderson, a fellow with the Heritage Foundation, opposes the Equality Act, believing that any conflicts between business owners and potential clients are better resolved on the local — rather than federal — level.

“Most of these decisions are going to be better resolved if we allow experimentation with different policies to figure out what works best for all parties involved,” Anderson says. “If there’s a bed and breakfast somewhere run by conservative evangelicals or Orthodox Jews, and they have a problem renting out the honeymoon suite to a same-sex couple, I say freedom should prevail here. There are plenty of other options for your honeymoon. We don’t need the federal government telling a small bed-and-breakfast that they can’t engage in this.”

picture: cheap wedding dresses onlineAnderson is skeptical of the idea that most major corporations would engage in arbitrary discrimination against LGBT people, noting that doing so would likely not be in its economic interest. But Anderson also says that there should be exceptions for smaller businesses.

“When someone does think that sexual orientation and gender identity matters for the mission of their institution or because of their moral and religious views, I don’t see why we can’t tolerate them, why we can’t be a pluralistic society that says that a 70-year-old evangelical grandmother has a right to say ‘I don’t do flowers for a same-sex wedding,’” says Anderson, citing a case where a florist in Washington State ran afoul of a state’s nondiscrimination law. “I don’t know if we need a federal law that would coerce everyone on this.”

There appears to be at least anecdotal evidence that being LGBT-friendly is good for business. The wedding-related business owners who responded to Metro Weekly said they promote a welcoming atmosphere at their stores.

“I treat everything the same,” says Kimberly McDonald of Simply Desserts, a bakery in Fairfax County, Va., noting that she’s catered a same-sex wedding and has an equal employment policy.

“We do a lot of gay weddings,” says Meghan DeAngelis Lorenzetti, CEO of Kendall’s Cakes, in Falls Church, Va. “And they are actually some of my favorites because they just seem happier and more excited to be able to marry. I honestly don’t follow politics that much, but I think everyone should have the same ability to do what they want. If you want to get married, you should get married.”

Mishele McKissack, of Decadent Designs Bakery in Charlotte, N.C., believes “if you’re a small business, then you’re open to everything and everybody. We love all of our customers, and treat everybody equally…. I’m not in favor of any legislation that would allow somebody to not provide their service to somebody for their personal choices. I don’t think that’s anybody’s business.”

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The Ohio Board of Professional Conduct has issued a scorched-earth policy against state judges who decide to stop performing all wedding ceremonies because they believe marriage is defined only as one man and one woman and cannot, in good conscience, conduct a ceremony joining together in marriage any other combination of people, including same-sex couples.

This is not only quite startling, it is overly harsh. Ohio law allows some judges and a number of other individuals to conduct wedding ceremonies. This is a discretionary, permissive authority the law grants judges. It is not one of their required duties. The law does not require judges to perform every wedding ceremony some couple might ask them to perform and the judges can decide not to perform wedding ceremonies. At least that is what the law says, but you would not know it by reading theopinion that the board issued on August 7.

The opinion states in its first paragraph

that [a] judge may not decline to perform all marriages in order to avoid marrying same-sex couples based on his or her personal, moral, or religious beliefs.

This emphatic rule eliminates what seems like one of many reasonable, sensible accommodations for judges who hold to the sincere belief that marriage is defined only as one man and one woman. No accommodation possible. Perform all weddings, or else.

It is bizarre to say that judges show unethical bias if they choose not to do something state law says is merely discretionary and not one of their mandatory or essential duties. The board’s opinion buries the fact that, under Ohio law, conducting wedding ceremonies is a permissive power of judges, because to admit that would severely weaken the board’s extreme opinion.

Second, according to the US Supreme Court, government has a First Amendment “duty to accommodate” people with sincere religious beliefs. Other accommodations the government could or must grant to those with sincere beliefs about marriage may exist, but certainly, accommodating a believer’s conscience by allowing him or her to stop performing all weddings is eminently reasonable. The board’s opinion gives absolutely no accommodation of any kind to a judge who cannot in good conscience perform a totally nonessential act that many other judges, clergy persons and others legally qualified to perform marriage ceremonies would do.

picture: wedding dresses for the beachThird, the board glosses over the fact that we are talking about a judge presiding over a ceremony. It would be bad enough if the opinion required judges to participate in a ceremony they disapproved of. Here, the board goes one step further into unconstitutional coercion by compelling unwilling judges to perform a ceremony they cannot condone because of their beliefs. Ohio law could not require a judge to recite the Pledge of Allegiance against his will. Certainly, Ohio law could not constitutionally require a judge to attend a religious ceremony, or even a secular ceremony, when attendance would violate the judge’s beliefs. Yes, judges are governmental officials, but they do not lose all of their rights to freedom of thought and belief.

Fourth, it seems odd if not outrageous that this opinion suddenly decrees that it is unethical for Ohio judges to decline to do something that was not legally permitted in their state until two months ago. Same-sex couples could not legally marry in Ohio until the US Supreme Court handed down the Obergefell decision in late June (the decision mandating same-sex marriage nationwide), so judges up until earlier this summer never had to confront this conflict between their permissive authority to conduct wedding ceremonies and their personal belief that marriage is defined only as one man and one woman. But now, according to the board, a judge’s decision to decline to conduct any wedding ceremonies at all indicates unlawful bias or prejudice.

A judge who takes the position that he or she will discontinue performing all marriages, in order to avoid marrying same-sex couples based on his or her personal, moral or religious beliefs, may be interpreted as manifesting an improper bias or prejudice toward a particular class. The judge’s decision also may raise reasonable questions about his or her impartiality in legal proceedings where sexual orientation is at issue and consequently would require disqualification under Jud. Cond. R. 2.11.

Again, it would seem that a reasonable way to accommodate the personal beliefs of the judge would be for him or her to choose to stop performing all weddings. Yet this is not enough for the board because, in its reasoning, the judge would be manifesting bias against same-sex couples that would call into question his or her neutrality in presiding over cases involving those couples. The board then chooses an inflammatory example of domestic battery to make its questionable point:

Even if a judge decides not to perform any marriages, but does so only after Obergefell, the judge may face the prospect of disqualification in matters where the sexual orientation of the parties is at issue. For example, if a judge who has declined to perform same-sex marriages is later assigned to hear a misdemeanor domestic violence charge involving a same-sex couple, the judge’s ability to follow the law and impartially apply the domestic violence laws could reasonably be questioned.

This outrageous example is difficult to understand, although the obvious smear is easy to grasp. If spouse A from a same-sex couple legally married in Ohio hits spouse B, the judge’s duty is to preside over a proceeding to determine whether spouse A is guilty of domestic battery and then punish the perpetrator. Hitting other people is wrong and criminal, regardless the aggressor’s marital status. I would be very surprised if a judge with the most conservative views on marriage possible would do anything other than give the accused a fair trial, and, if found guilty, impose appropriate punishment on spouse A. It would make no sense for a judge to rule: “spouse A, I am finding you not guilty of the crime of striking your partner because you are in a same-sex marriage.”

Similarly, in other legal cases, like breach of contract or a tort brought by a same-sex couple, it is difficult to imagine a judge ruling that a same-sex couple does not get damages from someone who breaches their contract or smashes into their car, because they are in a same-sex marriage. To assume such a judge has bias, with no evidence other than the fact he or she declined to preside at same-sex wedding ceremonies, unfairly slanders members of the judiciary with reasonable views and convictions about marriage.

And I doubt the board would apply its expansive rule to other beliefs. A judge may publicly state that his vegan beliefs mean he will never step into a restaurant serving meat or that he will attend football games only where the Cleveland Browns play, or that he will only send his children to a public school. That does not mean the judge could not decide cases involving people who eat steaks, or who root for the Pittsburgh Steelers, or who place their children in private schools. Those people would lack even a legitimate concern about receiving impartial justice from that judge, absent something specific that shows actual bias that will affect how the judge conducts the case.

The board’s opinion has the feel of a decree by a state church trying to root out heretics straying from the new ascendant orthodoxy on marriage. The voters of Ohio and its lawmakers, and even its state judges, should not allow this coercive opinion by the Board of Professional Conduct to remain.

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