We all know that the wedding day is all about the bride, but let us not forget that it takes two to tango. A bride is just a girl in a white dress if she does not have a groom. As soon as the proposal is done and the engagement made official, all eyes turn to the future bride.
But what are things like for the groom?
Take a knee
Ladies, have you ever stopped to think about how nerve-wracking it must be to propose to someone? First, you have to find the perfect ring. Then you have to come up with the perfect time. And then there is always a chance that you may not get the answer you were looking for.
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Honestly, if engagements were in the hands of girls, I am not sure we would have a multimillion dollar wedding industry in this country. Grice Hunt, 33, proposed to his bride at his family’s dove field, the first place they met several years before.
“It is definitely a mixture of excitement and nerves,” Hunt says. “There is the pressure of making it a surprise and coordinating families. You assume that she is going to say yes, but it is definitely an adrenaline rush.”
Rolling with the punches is a must when proposing as well. Lance Lanford proposed to his wife, Pamela, during a family trip to Costa Rica.
“My original plan was for her to wake up from our couples’ massage and me already be down on one knee,” he said. “Unfortunately, that morning we got a call that the masseuse was sick and we would have to reschedule. So I ended up doing it late that afternoon by the pool at the house we were staying at. Even though I was confident in my decision, I was still very nervous”.
Let the planning begin
For a bride, as soon as the engagement ring goes on the planning wheels start to spin. With that first call to mom and dad, the question of who is answered — but now it is time to figure out the when and where. Have you ever wondered what happens to the groom once this planning process ignites? Does he have a say or does he get pushed aside until needed?
“Mine was more of a supporting role,” Hunt says. “Caitlin did a great job of narrowing down decisions and then asking my opinion. I would try to bring some practicality to outweigh the emotions of the decisions.”
Says Lanford, “I was involved when needed, but between her family and all her friends they jumped on planning pretty quickly. I still don’t do much of our planning.”
Both grooms said that they were consulted when it came to major decisions — location, food, alcohol and the band. But we were curious about what they thought about some of the smaller details.
“I can see how people get too worried about things like the runners, types of chairs, plates (and) flowers,” Hunt says. “We tried to focus on what we remember from all of the weddings we had been to; no one remembers how many votives were on the table.”
It’s showtime
For the bride, the wedding day is usually packed with activities. There are brunches, hairdressers, champagne, make-up artists, champagne, the ceremonious donning of the gown (unless you are me and donned your gown while shoved in a broom closet with your wedding planner) and of course, more champagne. While the girls are getting fluffed and pampered and very tastefully toasty, the groom is probably having a much more low-key day.
I wondered if the day is filled with the same nervousness as it is for the bride. Hunt says that it was the night of the rehearsal dinner when things really got real for him.
“I just hung out with my groomsmen, watched football, did what we always do,” he says of the wedding day. “It was really laid back; I wasn’t too nervous.”
The Lanford wedding party broke from tradition. The whole wedding party spent the day on the beach before breaking to go and get ready. Before the ceremony they did the first look where the groom sees the bride for the first time.
“That was really nice to be able to see her before the ceremony and spend some time together,” Lanford says.
Of course, the pinnacle of any wedding ceremony is when the bride appears and begins to walk down the aisle. Like a lot of people, my favorite part of a wedding ceremony is to look at the groom’s face the first time he sees his bride. While I always take a peek, I have never actually asked any of the grooms what they were thinking when they saw their brides for the first time. Naturally, I jumped at the chance to ask Hunt what that moment was like for him.
“I remember watching the bridesmaids walk down and hearing my groomsmen cutting up behind me, but as soon as she came around the corner I couldn’t see anything,” he says. “It was total tunnel vision which was really kind of neat.”
While I wipe the tears out of my eyes I turn my attention to the main event.
We all know that a beautiful wedding begins with a beautiful ceremony, but a truly great wedding ends with a truly great reception.
“We knew that people were only going to have as much fun as the bride and groom,” Hunt says. “That’s why focusing on the big picture and not getting caught up in the small things were really important to us. The whole thing was so much fun and went by so quickly. I felt like as soon as I got there they were telling me that it was time to leave.”
Says Lanford, “I just really wanted our guests to have a good time. After several days of soaking up the sun and various cocktails on the beach having a major party was the only way we knew to cap off the weekend.”
This is not the first time I have traveled into the male psyche for the sake of a story and I must say that I am almost always pleasantly surprised by what I find. This journey taught me something very important about weddings: While the Big Day is certainly all about the bride, it always starts with a really great groom.
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