For some people, the law may not be the most pleasant thing – some might only really think about it when they’re in trouble. But the law also has the power to bring profound happiness.
Jayne Kacer, associate dean for student affairs and administration at Chapman’s Dale E. Fowler School of Law, is proving what a positive force the law can be through perhaps its most joyous deployment – marriage. Kacer recently wrapped up officiating her seventh wedding, all of which have had Fowler alumni on at least one side of the aisle.
Ordained before the first wedding she officiated in 2010, Kacer has performed the rites at all seven of her weddings for free. It’s not remotely about financial gain for her, it’s a labor of love – and seeing the impact she’s able to have as her former students enter an exciting new chapter of their lives is a richer bounty than she could ever hope for.
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“To have them ask to be part of one of the most important days of their lives, that’s incredibly rewarding,” Kacer said. “It’s very special – it’s also very nerve-racking, because I do know them, and it’s personal. It’s not just a job where I go and do someone’s wedding. I know these people, I’ve spent three years with them. In many instances, I’ve met their future spouses well in advance of their wedding. … I want their special day to be perfect. I want their ceremony to be everything they dream of and hope for.”
To help the ceremony be everything the betrothed could hope for, Kacer often works ahead of time with couples to find out anything about them that she may not already know. Things like how they met and what they value in one another are important to consider when preparing the vows.
Some couples prepare their own vows, some look online or revise samples that Kacer provides – others, like Lauren Shaw and Kevin Grochow, grace Kacer with the chance to pen the most important part of their big day. The couple, both Fowler alumni, met at law school and thought it would be appropriate to weave a Supreme Court ruling (specifically Obergefell v. Hodges, the recent decision on same-sex marriage) into the language of their vows. They left the exact wording up to Kacer, and the result was splendid enough to bring Shaw to tears.
As it turns out, the legal ingredients for a proper wedding aren’t too demanding, Kacer explained. For the most part, the California Family Code simply demands that the couple vow that they’re entering the relationship with the intent to stay married, Kacer says. The code doesn’t ask for specific vows or really anything else – meaning marriage can be highly customizable.
Kacer works with this legal flexibility to tailor weddings to whatever the couple should want – do they want a parent to give them away or not and other such elements. In one case, Kacer was officiating a wedding where the bride was Jewish and the husband a Christian. The ceremony mixed in elements of both religions, including the traditional Jewish breaking of the glass.
Now with seven officiated weddings to her name, Kacer says that everything began thanks to her position as associate dean of students. In that role, she spends three years working with students and getting to know them and then compounds that relationship through student events where she often meets her students’ intended. Once she officiated her first wedding, word of mouth took care of the rest.
Performing marriages is an unusual – yet oddly natural – evolution of Kacer’s role as associate dean of students. For example, several times through alumna Kandis Burns’ time at Fowler, Kacer counseled her on the wait for marriage equality. Years later – surprise, surprise – Kacer found herself officiating the marriage of Leah Summers and Burns, her wife (now Burns-Summers.) For many of these alumni, law school may be but a memory, but the bonds they forged with Kacer are still quite real.
“For me, it’s incredibly gratifying that after someone has graduated and they’re on the threshold of one of the most important days of their life, they ask you to be a part of it – even though for them, law school is over.”
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A “Supreme” set of vows
What follows is an excerpt of the vows Jayne Kacer prepared for the marriage of Lauren Shaw and Kevin Grochow this pastin November. The wedding was the latest of seven weddings for Fowler alumni for whichKacer has officiated. Both alumni, Shaw and Grochow met at Fowler and requested that Kacer weave in language from the majority opinion by Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy for Obergefell v. Hodges into their wedding vows. It only seemed fitting for a pair thatwho met at law school. The result? Better than you could imagine!
Given how Kevin and Lauren first met and the nature of their chosen profession, I looked to the law for inspiration when looking for something to say about marriage.
A noted legal dictionary defines marriage as the legal union of a couple as spouses. The basic elements are (1) the parties’ legal ability to marry each other, (2) mutual consent of the parties, and (3) a marriage contract as required by law.
While this is marriage reduced to a law school Contracts outline, it does little to capture the essence of marriage.
A far more eloquent and true description of marriage is found in the United States Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, the case in which the Court found that marriage is a fundamental right that must be granted to all, regardless of sexual orientation.
Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote:
“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were.”
Lauren, are you ready to become something greater than you are now, to accept the responsibilities of marriage, and to be a loving, faithful and helpful wife to Kevin in all the days of your life?
Kevin, are you ready to become something greater than you are now, to accept the responsibilities of marriage, and to be a loving, faithful and helpful husband to Lauren in all the days of your life?
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